Loops

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It comes back.

Everything does.

Everything has a definite end, love and longing, both.

And in the end, everybody gets served, just the right amount they deserved.

People come and go. Faces pop in and pop out. Eyes sparkle and the same eyes demean. Hearts that once beat or you beat for another heart another day.

We weave dreams, we build castles. We revel in newfound love, we miss our old loves. Windows once opened to allow light are painted afresh, so that the fragrance of newness might help the staleness of the old to be driven out.

We walk. We trip. We fall. We get up, dust our bums, walk again, this time steadily so as to not trip again. We appreciate the hand that stretches out to us in order to lift us back on our feet. Sometimes, its only intelligent to bargain our own hand in the process.

 Change is the norm of civilization, for it is the only constant; death being the only certainty of Life. True, dreams once knit cannot be rewoven. However, what matters is the impression of the dream that gets traced on the thread, visible in the form of those wrinkles, those shapes that got formed over time; traces that got left on the bed we sat on last, or stains that got left on the coffee mug we sipped from.

We follow a loop. You, me, everybody.

 We fall in love, we fall out of love. And its all too natural to love and be loved.

All over again.

:)

A Winter Night and a Stranger

She couldn’t wait there for long. Dusk was closing in, and her small feet were already shrinking because of the freezing winter. Just about when she decided to turn around the corner so she could face the road and call for a cab, that she heard loud sounds in the near direction. They were loud enough to disrupt the dead silence but too soft to stir her unperturbed mind. So she continued walking, faster with each step in order to battle away the cold.

A strong gust of wind brushed her frame, unsettling her lose hair. And within the same moment, a figure passed her like a flash of light. Before she could comprehend anything, another figure lunged at her and got her knocking down on the snowy cobbled road. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to hurt you”, two perfect blue eyes shone in twilight and what entered her ears was the most fluid of voices, smooth as scotch. She looked up, this time definitely startled. He stretched out a sinewy arm, offering his hand in the bargain to help her up on her feet. She regained balance and he, too, had recovered his strength by then. He stood struck at the sheer beauty of that angelic face.

“I’m sorry again. I never intended to knock you down. Hope you’re able to walk”, he looked right into her eyes as he apologized for his sudden dramatic appearance. She staggered to maintain balance on both her feet and he momentarily clutched her by the arm to keep her. A sizzling current passed through her body making it tremble like a leaf.

“Why were you running after him?”, she said as she realized she hadn’t spoken a word ever since she could remember. That was funny. She wasn’t normally the kind who could stay shut for more than 3 seconds. But today was different.

“Oh nothing. He was running away with my wallet”, he smiled.
“Oh..”, she searched for words, “So were you able to have it back?”

“Uh.. no. That’s ‘cause I bumped into you”, he chuckled. A thousand bells chimed in the air.
“Well yes. You crashed into Me”, and they had a hearty laugh. Neither realized the stupidity of the joke.

They both paced up the street in the dead cold. No cab could be seen but a distant rumble of wheels came form the opposite direction which told him they were closer to the city now. He momentarily scanned her from the corner of his eye. Her boots, he saw, were small and lower than the calves. Her teal blue dress reached up to her knee over which she wore a pretty white parka which almost made the latter synonymous with the snow. He couldn’t help admiring her perfect brown wavy hair which had lost all consciousness of being in place- thanks to the strong blows of wind.

She realized he was noticing her, and her lips curled in appreciation. She unfolded her hands from her chest to brush aside her unsettled hair and faced him. “So where are we headed?”
He finally looked her in the eye and cautiously let his hand to her cheek, just below her right eye. Before she could realize what he was doing, he came closer and swept his hand over her face in what arrested her body with the most tingling sensations. She smelt the perfume of his tweed and wanted to consume it all. And in the deal, his chin made contact with her hair which seemed soft as silk. He wanted to die in their soft warmth. Both shivered. The night was brutally cold.

“Snowflake”, he smiled that honey smile.
“Thanks”, and she melted with the honey.

“Yeah.. so where are we going?” She tried coming over the awkwardness.
“I don’t know about you. But I’m going to stuff myself. Had dinner yet?” He enquired.
“No. You?”
“Nah. I’ve being roaming aimlessly all day. Moreover, the run behind that crook has increased my hunger pangs greatly!” He said in jest.
“Oh”, this time she laughed unrestricted. “You make it sound like you’re some hungry beast! Well”, she continued, “By the look of it, you seem decent. Though my dad has always told me never to walk with a stranger”. She joked back.

“Well then your dad was certainly right.” He seemed offended this time.
“But do I still seem a stranger?” Comfort once again resurfaced in his voice.

He flirted and she knew it. But it felt right at the moment. Just as it felt right to be walking next to a complete stranger whose, heaven knows, wallet had been picked and who had toppled her over on cobbled cold like a mighty gust of wind!

She didn’t know what to reply to that and he sensed the awkwardness drifting in again.

“Hey.. you don’t look like you belong here. New to the city?” He darted a gaze at her.
“Erm , yeah. I’ve come from another world”. She chortled gently, battling the discomfort of his sudden stare with an apt reply. He hadn’t heard ever a more pleasing laugh.

They both giggled again. And this time, she was assured of his presence on a bitterly cold winter night, in a foreign land. Quite surprisingly, his penetrating blue eyed gaze had not ruffled her so much as much as the thought of her inability to deal with the intensity of it. She mused at the thought.

“Lost in faraway land, eh?” This time he did not look at her.
She didn’t care to answer but looked towards him. His hand that reached up to remove the frost from his nose made her notice brilliant color on the white surface of it.

She caught his hand in a flash. The sticky warm liquid was imparted to the naked skin of her palm and fingers and she let out a little gasp.

“Why didn’t you show it before? Your gash looks really deep and serious.”. She herself was surprised at the extreme worry in her voice. Fumbling with her handbag for the first aid kit, she asked him to pull off his scarf. She always kept it with her but couldn’t find it right now. “Just when I needed it the most”, she muttered under her breath, exasperated. He caught the words and smiled to himself, quite contentedly. All this while, he kept his gaze fixed on her being, marvelling at the breathtaking beauty.

She finally pulled out her stuff and began attending to the wound, the gentle touch of her pearl silken flesh melting his pain away. They stood under the light of the lamp post that helped both see each other’s face.

Her hazel eyes, He peered, were full of concern- concern for a complete stranger on a devastatingly freezing night upon a deserted street.

His eyes, She saw, were oozing with gratefulness- the gratefulness of having met a woman who was willingly accompanying him on his unknown journey.

Both smiled at each other, neither aware of the reason or the need of it. Night had taken over and brought with it, a winter that was ne'er before known to either of the souls.

She shivered. He noticed.
He snugly wrapped his assuring arm around her waist. This time, the electric current of his touch made ripples inside her. Both walked along like it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

“Dinner?” He winked.
“Im starving”. She begged.

The Human Humdrum

One world,
One God,
One blood- Red.




One government,
One 9/11,
Survival.




One nation,
One cricket match,
Countless prayers.




One cross,
One faith,
Infinite believers.




One country,
One leader,
Pride and honour.




One woman,
One man,
Love.




One frown,
Ten smiles,
Emotions.




One job,
First salary,
Deep contentment.




One temple,
One hundred beggars,
Ten coins.




One stolen car,
Two thieves,
Confusion.




One cigarette,
Five drags from five mouths,
Friendship.




One father,
One son,
A happy Sunday afternoon




One birthday party,
One cake,
Twenty hungry kids.




One crayon,
Several pieces,
Childhood.




One chocolate,
One chocolate smudged mouth,
Innocence.




One girl,
Umpteen lipsticks,
One dream.




One algebra class,
2.40 P.M,
Forty snoring kids.




One day,
Two exams,
Graduation.




One falling star,
Five wishes,
None true.




One man,
Three women,
Infidelity.




One bread,
Seventeen mouths,
Hardships.




One gathering,
One crisp remark,
Riots.




One river,
Seven cities,
One stop.




One sun,
A thousand billion souls,
One illume.




One flower,
Serene bloom,
Perfume.




One planet,
Seven continents,
People.




One globe,
A hundred billion faces,
Identity.


One body,
One soul,
One life.




One race,
Some faiths,
One truth- Death.

                                                

                                                                                                                    

Exam blues!

                                                                                         
4.25 am: I am happily driving through the beautifully winding roads of Naini. Green and serene beauty.. What bliss!

                                                                     

4.30 am: Dang! Wtf is that sound! This noisy bugger of a birthday tune.. Here, in the middle of this green !??             
                               

                                                             
4.32 am: A phone on vibration repeating and re-repeating the most vexatious 'Happy Birthday' instrumental ever. My alarm.

4.32 am, some seconds: A jolting start with a beautiful dream stopped dead. The first thing i wake up to in the morning is the sound of my stomach- Deep churning growls, loud enough to give me a jump start!

4.35 am: The next thing i realise is that it wasn't a poor woman's stomach after all, but the old ceiling fan of my room which had come to an abrupt slow motion while doing its normally electrified rounds! It was sadly running in a crummy way producing such sounds that resembled a crying-dying factory!

4.36 am: Unsure if i was yet fully up.
4.37 am: Still deciding.
4.40 am: Dozed off sitting lopsided on the bed.
                                                                     

                                                                  
4.45 am: Alarm snoozes again. A terrible history exams faces me in the wake of this terribly unpleasant morning!

4.46 am: Is when i realise that my stomach too had, however, been playing an important role all this while and the sounds DID really happen, for I'd been hungry all night. Finally wake up at 5.00 from a jiffy of a sleep(read, 2.5 hours), eyes still heavily laden with sleep, and an unsatiated mind craving for heaps more! Following a quick scan of the room, sit down to mug up my remaining answers without bothering to wash my eyes. Or even cleanse my stinking mouth! Continue mindlessly mugging up as many answers as i could, with not the slightest hint of what exactly i was cramming!

Mugged 'em up till 8.15.

                                                             
5.00 am- 7.25 am: Frequent breaks in the middle include those of inhaling air(read, breathing), running an aimless finger through my untidy mass of hair, rubbing my eyes to ward off some remaining sleep, trying to widen my eyes in between so i could read more than i was being able to, some angered curses at the sight of my peacefully sleeping roommate, and damn! Some utterly inane staring at the pink plastered walls( slyly appreciating my photographs pasted there! :P)

                                                   

7.25 am : Suddenly see two orphaned sheets of paper raising their sly heads from beneath my study table. What on earth is that!? I wonder. Bend down to pick them up. Wrinkle my nose at the sight of some thick, muggy dust. Title reads: "Westward expansion of 17th century Holland." Wtf! My missing assignment finally found its way back?

                                                     

7.35 am: Ugh. More ugh. A quick glance at the cellphone tells me I'm already running outta time. Precious time running outta my non-precious hands(the same chubby hands that had never written a class assignment all year!)

P.S: The missing tutorial belonged to a friend, if that's something your wondering. :P

7.35 am, some seconds: Realise that the titled topic was something of a jackpot. A question that's repeated every year in the University! I continue making heartless attempts at reading it. Deep inside i KNOW I'm never going to make it.

7.58 am: Oh darn! Already 8!

8.00 am: Still lapsing into worry.
                                                       

                                                                    
8.02 am: The phone rings and there's Carrie Underwood loudly banging her voice to Cowboy Casanova. I wanna shake a leg.. Yeah baybeh!!
          

                                                                 

8.02 am, some seconds: Hey Maa, I've an exam. Starting in another 40 minutes. Hafta rush. Something important? " Hello beta. Did you wake up on time? And have you had breakfast yet? What about the heat? Is it bothering you too much ... " Maa, anything else? " No no.. er, and you were saying you're having eggs.. ??" Mom! Not eggs. EGXAMS!! %^&*$* Bad signal. The line thankfully disconnects.              

                                                

8.06 am: I Rummage quickly through my study table for my belongings: Pencil box, notes, extra pens, hand towel, wrist watch, ruler.. (lol!)

8.07 am: Further rummaging through my wardrobe for a decent set of clothes

8.09 am: Staring puzzled at my heap of clothes.

                                                 

8.09 am, some seconds: More staring.

8.10 am: Still hunting for clothes.

8.10 am: Finally, zero down on a pair beige shorts and a navy blue Tee to don me and my European history exam!

8.11 am: My roommate goes: You ain't bathing?

8.11 am: Er, no. Noohh..! ( Gawd! someone save me the embarrassment!)
                                                              

                                                               

8.20 am: Gotten fully dressed by now. Yes, i did brush my teeth, but my bad routine allowed me no poo! Also wetted my hair to give the impression of a shower. Stupidly clever! :P

8.21 am: Oh I'm feeling giddy-ish! My brains cannot comprehend the present state of events. Guess I'm hungry. But sadly, have no access to food considering we don't get any breakfast here. I decide to quickly shove some GoodDays into my mouth. The biscuits should hopefully work my hapless tummy. :(

8.22 am:Need a revision. Have forgotten everything from last night! Feudalism, Colonial expansion, Crisis of the 17th century, Sceintific Revolution in England, Italian Renaissance.. Oh wait! When did Spain decline?

           Realise i was clutching onto my bed, when my nails finally began hurting the naked skin of my palm. Sweating profusely, my clueless mind decides to take some rest on its own.

8.25 am: Some good deep breathing( this time real breathing!) miraculously calms me down. My roommate, who is up by now, brings me back from my trance and frantically urges me to hurry.
                               

                                                     

8.25 am: A wide eyed me 'zealously' throws back my hair in rage. "Exam! I'm gonna do you. AND, do you well. You geddit!"  .. emerges a loud, shuddering cry from my throat: Methods of self encouragement. Only those who never study should attempt a try. Not meant for intelligent nerds. :D

        

                                                                   
8.26 am: Great. I feel great! Oh i feel so sublime. Oooh! Heavy weights just got lifted off me, you see! :P

                                                                   
8.27 am: Receive the call of my friend who tells me he's waiting at my back gate. Another one who tells me to hurry. Another one to shake me from my trance, this time, the 'zealous' one! Lol ..!

8.28 am: I draw another deep breath- a long stretched one, which lifts the cover of my nostrils. My roommate tells me i look devastatingly horrid. :D

8.28 am, some seconds: Quickly pack my belongings up. Stop at the table praying to Lord Hanuman to kindly grant me strength to fight the blues of another dreadful exam. Lord Hanuman rather chooses to keep mum.

                                                                         
8.29 am: Trudge the three whole winding flights of steps down my room. Slow and deliberate. Each step tells me it is unable to bear the weight of my 44 kilo body and the drab looming mind it supports.

                                                                                                                              

8.30 am: Step out in the open. Finally see the light of the day- the beautiful sun resplendent in all its glory. So much so that it dazzles the eye and hurts. :P

                                                                  
8.30 am, some seconds pass: A mind full of fear, trouble, anxiety, lethargy, and great regrets for having wasted another year into not studying! AND, not making proper assignments so they sneak their dodgy faces at the end moment and make me nauseous..
                                                          

                             Life! As I know it.

                                      

Headed nowhere, my life's scramble

                                                                 

                                                                                                                              
I lie still. Unmoving. Jaded and dazed. Walking my mind through this dense forest of thoughts that magically throw me into some unknown past.. I have nowhere to run, no place to go.


The present hour sickens, kills, mocks, disgusts and presses me down under. Im shoved deeper- deeper and harder into a dark hollow that sees no hope of light at the other end. Sees no escape. With faint and surreptitious moves, invisible hands hurl me farther below, and my frantic cries of hapless misery are as insignificant as a needle dropped in water, so it quietly settles down without creating the slightest stir.

I bear an emptiness within me; similar to the one that dwells in the parting of two endeared souls. There’s weightlessness created by the massive vaccum which my little heart so nonchalantly endures- these bravado endorsements being for the outside world. There’s pomp and gusto and gamble and game, which rambles on from between my ribs, time and again.
                        

                                                                            
Stupid and vague as it seems, this is, an account of my life. Writing which I am so confused that it appears well in my utter disarray of words!

My life- a life which everyone thinks is blessed and beautiful. Beautiful so it dearly embraces all the ugliness and blessed, so it neatly encompasses every gory curse thrown (laughingly) at it.

But oh! I have a good life.. the nicest of sorts! Superficially, it may seem like the happiest song ever sung, but what lies down below the music, is plain rat-tat-tat.. Absolute nothingness. ___________________

                                                                                                   

Great! Now I know, how earnestly you say you’re my Friend!